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The Family JulesNew Lenox resident Julie Giampaolo gives her take on raising a family in our town.
Displaying 1 through 10 of 109 records found.
....And the rest of the Q & A...
July 11, 2009 | 04:34 PM
I received one very special email, from a nasty and immature gentleman who has never been any good at sports of any kind. My answers follow, to those questions which could actually be posted. And to this gentleman himself: you know where you can go.
1. Is your husband really known as "Princess Dinky"?
*Short answer: yes.
2. Is your little brother really as awesome as it seems?
*No. Not at all. Not in the LEAST.
3. How hot should hot chocolate be?
*I don't know. Maybe hot enough to BURN YOUR FACE OFF... I mean, why don't you come over and find out?
4. Would you rather lick [redacted because now he's playing the "which is grosser?" game and it's too gross to print] or handle [redacted and oh my God]?
*The second choice, but only because death is not an option.
*And finally, I would like to suggest that a certain sibling of mine checks himself before he wrecks himself. If you don't want anyone to know that we used to depants you and then use the pants to tie your arms down-- then you should strongly consider shutting up.
A Little Q & A....
July 11, 2009 | 04:04 PM
Okay, here are the questions I received last week, and my answers (as best as I can). Thanks for participating!!!
from "bearmom:" Do you ever daydream about leaving anything weird/scary/gross/unnatural in the work bathroom for others to find?? If so, what would you do?
**Wow. I am not even sure how to address all the different layers going on here, bearmom, so I guess I'll just straight-up answer the question: I actually did do that once, in my office in the city. We went out to the alley and trapped one of those giant, horrific city roaches in a clear plastic cup. Then we left him on the restroom countertop, trapped under the cup, next to the sink. I no longer remember why, but if you were the person to come in and find it later, then I apologize for scarring you like this.
From anonymous: What is one part of motherhood that you really do not enjoy?
**I'll give you more than one: losing sleep. Pushing swings. Wiping snot. Having to pick up scary bugs and pretend it's no big deal while, inside, I'm screaming "EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!"
A second question from Karen: How long will this unnatural obsession with germs continue?
**Now I'm positive you work in the medical field, Karen. I caught your trick question immediately: my obsession with germs is perfectly natural.
another anonymous: What do you envision for yourself in the next five years?
**Well, where The Family Jules is concerned, I hope to have my website up and running. Where my house is concerned, I hope to have my garden up and running. And where the kids are concerned... as long as I've kept them alive, I'll call it a win.
from Shari: Tell them about the "Which is grosser?" game.
**"Which is grosser?" is a game that my siblings and I have played for years-- I think it began when we were kids and found an enema bag at my Aunt Annie's house, but I can't be sure. It's every bit as juvenile and gross as you are thinking: basically you are given 2 terrible and disgusting options, and you must choose which you would rather do. And Shari (who, obviously, is a friend of mine): you have great timing in bringing this up. My next post involves this game.
From Natasha: How did you meet your husband?
**I met him through work. At my first, horrible job out of grad school. Fun fact: when Dave actually asked me out, he kind of boned it. He intended to say either "Can I call you up some time?" or "Can I take you out some time, we can get something to eat?" Only, this is what my big, tough, self-confident smooth talker said: "So..... can I "call you out" some time?..... We can eat...."
How Many Gross Things Can One Child Touch....
July 09, 2009 | 03:20 PM
....in a public restroom? Well, let JJ count the ways:
1. Toilet seat (of course)
2. Floor
3. Toilet handle
4. Tampon trash
5. Hinges on the diaper-changing table
6. Some random clump of hair and lint
7. Inside of the sink
8. Lid AND lip AND side of the trash can
Clearly, this has kept me in a state of advanced germophobia, so I've been out of commission. I haven't forgotten a single one of your questions and I will get to them this evening or tomorrow. Meanwhile enjoy this old-school photo I found of the J, back when I could still imprison her in the Exersaucer and she thought I was doing her a favor. Enjoy!
Hot Mess of the Week: Whoever this Marney person is
July 01, 2009 | 10:12 PM
Courtesy of californiakara.blogspot.com, I give you this week's Hot Mess: Marney. This email purports to be a real missive sent out last November, by a woman who makes Kate Gosselin look easygoing. I have included my own observations in [brackets.] Enjoy:
Happy Thanksgiving!
---
From: Marney
As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.
Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders.
[I love that Marney needs to point out her sense of humor. I bet she needs to point it out pretty often-- it doesn't seem readily apparent.]
I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.
[Translation: I expect all of you to perform below my expectations.]
All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.
[Translation: plus, you are all fools.]
HJB—Dinner wine
The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don't feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don't care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.
[The Mike Byron family got the brunt of this crap. Turnips and ice cream.... and some water to wash it down. By the way, you cheap SOB's-- don't bring the generic ice cream this year. And, NOT gallons. Are we savages?]
The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).
[I kind of think this dinner already has a light sprinkling of nuts, don't you?]
The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d'ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).
[Yes, Lisa. Quit acting like a toddler and cut up some veggies for cripes sake. And if I see any beans, plastic platters or COCKTAIL SAUCE I will go absolutely ballistic.]
The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife
[I bet the recipe for the prosciutto pin wheel includes some calculations with pii.]
The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay
[Dear June Davis: your stupid blue serving dish is hideous, and I just wanted to make sure everyone knew it was yours, not mine. And FYI I'm going to bring this up every year until you die.]
The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.
[Does anyone else get the feeling that no one but the Amy Misto family will enjoy this gathering?]
Looking forward to the 28th!!
Marney
[Oh, Marney. I think I'm in love. I'd like to lock you and Gabby into a small room for an hour and see how long it took you to go completely insaaaaaaaaane. Bless.]
Free Toast
June 30, 2009 | 09:22 AM
This morning I made Addie J some toast. When she saw it she yelled, "Oooh!! Fwee toast!! Gwama never makes me fwee toast!!!"
...so apparently, one of our mothers charges Addie for breakfast.
And an answer to my first Ask Julie question from Karen: If you were a communicable disease, what would you be?
Karen, that's a weird, weird question and I'm wondering what you do for a living. I think I'd like to be something you can only cure with maggots or bee stings or leeches. And nothing involving excess snot, of course.
Next question? You can ask me something at julie@thefamilyjules.com.
Ask Julie!
June 29, 2009 | 09:34 PM
Occasionally, I'll run into someone who reads my blog and says something like, "Oh my God it's you I can't believe it you are my hero you are even more beautiful than I imagined can I have your autograph?"
Clearly, not really (but I can dream). Actually they will often say, "I always wonder _____." Sometimes, they want to know how many siblings I actually have (four), or whether all my stories are real (yes), or they just wonder if the blog program has spell-check to prevent typos (obviously not). So, if you've always wondered something about me besides the above, here's your chance to ask.
I'm providing an email address for you to send your questions: julie@thefamilyjules.com. This does two things: it keeps your name and information private (although if you want me to give you credit, please let me know and I will do so)... and since I know my friends will bring up a bunch of embarrassing college stories, it allows me to weed through your questions in advance. I will not keep any of your email addresses for any reason, so if you're thinking, "Huh. She's going to spam my email address," don't worry. I have no time to send spam and I don't even know how.
I'll take questions until Monday, July 6, and I'll post answers to everything I possibly can. I promise to answer any question that isn't private or X-rated (so get your minds out of the gutter). julie@thefamilyjules.com GO!!!
It is 2pm...
June 29, 2009 | 02:27 PM
...and I have so far done the following:
-tried to shake up my creamer with the lid open. Holy God was that a mess.
-grabbed for, and missed, Addie's full chocolate Milk Chug as it spilled everywhere. Actually, I didn't miss so much as I batted it into a full spin. Again, holy God.
- had the dog groomer say, "I just wanted you to know that I've been grooming dogs for ten years. And your dog sheds more than any other dog I have ever seen."
- had Addie J puke up when she drank of the aforementioned chocolate Milk Chug. Meaning that I would have done better to have bought it, taken it home, then dumped it onto the floor myself.
- arbitrated some very heated and tense negotiations between Cam and Gabster, regarding how much glow-in-the-dark clay is too much on one project.
So now, the J is upstairs in my bed, probably getting ready to hurl again. Cameron and Gabby are hotly debating the aesthetic values of clay dragonflies at the kitchen table. Clay is everywhere, no doubt including my school paperwork. And my Summer Session class begins this evening. If you are one of my students and your syllabus has some dots of blue something on it, I promise you that it's clay, not puke or dog hair or chocolate Milk Chug. And if you happen to lose it in a dark room-- it will probably glow.
Random Friday Blog
June 26, 2009 | 08:36 AM
*Rest in peace Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. Yesterday at dinner, I found the Thriller video on Youtube and played it for the kids. They were less than impressed: "Are those zombies? I thought he was a werewolf. Where's the werewolf? He dances weird. Who is that?" was their basic reaction. Cretins.
*Hey!! Now that I have successfully introduced my girls to the old Wonder Woman TV series, maybe I should introduce them to "Charlie's Angels." Since my television will be rated PG for the foreseeable future, at least I could kick back with some old-school Angels....
*.... although they did have lots of guns in that show, if I remember correctly, which might blow the deal....
*....and also, when my sisters and I played "Charlie's Angels," they always made me be Sabrina, the nerdiest Angel. Because I had the same stupid haircut as Sabrina (thanks, Mom). Look at it above-- no one looks good in that! Hmmm... maybe I'm still carrying a grudge there.
*So Addie J has potty-trained at the speed of light, underscoring the awesomeness of my training method, which I call "Just change diapers until the kid decides on her own to train." The only sucky thing is that I'm back to crouching in front of public toilets (and by "public toilets" I mean "cesspools of bacteria") while my little one touches every surface I haven't covered with toilet paper and then puts her hands on my face to give me a kiss. Mid-pee of course.
*Which is the reason I'm going to die of a massive infection. You see, on Father's Day I sliced open my fingertip while cutting limes (which we did not even need but that's another story). I considered having it checked out, but I really wanted to go shopping instead. And now the opportunity for sutures has passed, and every time I take off the Band-Aid I immediately catch it on something-- the zipper of my jeans probably being the most spectacular-- and open it up again. And I haven't had a tetanus shot since like the seventies, and I spend 75% of my waking hours in close proximity to a cesspool of bacteria because of the potty-training thing. So basically, it's good that I have the blog because soon the lockjaw will keep me from talking.
Hot Mess Revisited: Mark Sanford
June 25, 2009 | 01:24 PM
Looks like I may have jumped the gun a bit with the Hot Mess, huh? Now, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford is asking forgiveness for running away to Argentina for 5 days, to break up with his mistress. I have 3 things to say about this:
1. Governor Sanford, are you the only person in the world who still believes that someone will be as hot in person as their Facebook photos make them out to be?
2. I have a hard time believing you A. had to go to Argentina to break up with her; and B. spent 5 whole days breaking up. The longest breakup I ever had was like an afternoon-- and I remember that because I kept thinking, "I can't believe this is still going on." I wonder what you could have been doing for five da-- ohhhhh.
3. Really. No one looks as good as Facebook would have you believe. I'm not surprised you spent those five days "crying in Argentina."
Hot Mess of the Week: Perez Hilton
June 22, 2009 | 08:17 PM
So Perez Hilton is a man who has become a celebrity by blogging about celebrities. And Twitter is a means by which you can keep everyone abreast of your every. single. move. Last night, the two collided in an awesome display of self-centeredness and ludicrosity. I can't believe I'm typing this, but last night Perez Hilton tangled with Will.i.am from the Black-Eyed Peas, and got punched in the face. (Actually, the fact that this is real tickles me to no end. Check out the before-and-after photo above to fully appreciate the level of ridiculous here.) Instead of calling 911, or even going to the concierge desk and asking them to call 911, Perez Hilton used Twitter to summon the police. His tweets are as follows and I did not make these up:
~I'm in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.
~I was assaulted by Will.i.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.
~Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.
~I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.
~The Toronto police are here now. Thank you. Please stop calling them.
Perez Hilton, you made my day. You have made an absolutely hilarious hot mess of yourself here. And actually, I'm going to follow your lead and just Twitter every time I need something:
~I'm in shock. Addie has spilled the juice. Need more juice ASAP. Please.
~I was assaulted by my children and their security guard aka the dog while playing tag. I am bleeding. Please, I need to find a Band-Aid. No joke.
~Still waiting for the juice. The bleeding has stopped. I need to make lunch. Please, can The Creamery come to my house ASAP.
~I spoke to my husband. The gas tank is on E. I have called the gas station. Please, come to my house with some gas. Need the gas station people here now.
~The police are here now. Thank you. They say I should stop calling them.
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